


take yourself home

by illusionjunnie



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Insecurities, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, One-Shot, happy ending i guess, taejun superior uwu, yeonjun is dealing with something and taehyun is there to help him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:14:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23983627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/illusionjunnie/pseuds/illusionjunnie
Summary: He wasn’t worth Taehyun’s time, the boy was perfect, and he was a mere hopeless someone, or no one at all.
Relationships: Choi Yeonjun/Kang Taehyun
Comments: 2
Kudos: 49





	take yourself home

Talk to me.   
There’s nothing that   
can’t be fixed with   
some honesty. 

Taehyun arrives at Yeonjun’s apartment panting and anxiously rings the doorbell, he even knocks a few times on the door, impatient. The both of them just had a very unsettling phone call, Taehyun couldn’t understand big part of what the other had to say. It seemed all over the place, like when you have a lot of thoughts kept to yourself and suddendly reach your peak and have to let it all out, its jumbled up and confusing, frustrating and overwhelming, in the worst way possible. That’s how Taehyun thought Yeonjun sounded on the other end of the line, confused and lost, so he ran to the older as fast as he could. 

The door opens after a few moments of stressful wait, Yeonjun made him really worried, but the latter, on the other hand, seemed like he wasn’t expecting Taehyun at all, like he had no idea what their conversation did to his poor heart, nor the effect the older had on him. 

“Are you okay?” Taehyun questioned while inspectionating Yeonjun’s face, body, hands, anything that would help him try to read the situation the best he could. When he looked back at the taller’s face, his features and eyes were softer, and maybe something else that he couldn’t put a label on, he looked fragile now, something Taehyun wasn’t used to see on his friend. 

“Why did you came here, it’s already so late...” Yeonjun says back, barely audible. 

“You were acting weird over the phone, I wanted to know if everything was okay. Can I come in?” He knows he’s more than welcomed in his house but still asked anyways, he always did. And Yeonjun simply nods because he knows better than to leave his friend outside, he could never. They were simple and confortable, and Yeonjun wants to believe they would always be like that. 

They didn’t go as far as his small and confined living room, it was enough for both, they seemed to always be in sync, Yeonjun thought, he wished they would always be that way. 

Taehyun wanted the older to have the iniciative to talk first, watching him play with his fingers in a stressful way and scratching nails on skin once in a while, never once making eye contact with Taehyun, not even looking at him seemed a valid option. He took those signs and decided to take a few steps towards him, to be close enough so that he can rest his hands on both his arms, and caress the skin through the fabric while he’s there. 

“Whatever it is, you can tell me, you know that right?” He waits for some response, he recieves a forced and passenger smile, Yeonjun doesn’t take his eyes off his own hands. “I couldn’t understand much of what you were saying earlier, it was confusing for me and I bet it was even more confusing to you. I didn’t want to let you alone with your thoughts.”

He saw the other’s eyes panic slightly, not knowing exactly where to look at anymore, or probably trying to find the words he needed in the air. He hesitated in talking before letting out a short dry laugh, nothing inside. “It was nothing important really. I just... realized something and I didn’t know how to take it, so I called you.” Taehyun listens quietly and sees him swallow harshly. “But it was selfish of me, I only made you worried, I’m sorry..” 

Don’t be, Taehyun expresses with his face, frowning but still worring and shaking his head, murmuring a quiet “It’s okay”. 

“What was it? That you realized.” He continues after a few seconds to give the other some time. It seemed to be hard for Yeonjun to talk about it, his body language said every little thing, it screamed his biggest insecurities, and his energy was heavy. Yeonjun‘s nature was already intense, he always had a desire to experience everything in life and Taehyun never saw someone as controling over his own life as the older. He never had big doubts or questions about the world, he told him that the world and life shouldn’t be thought about. It was what it was, we should just accept it. ‘You only achieve true happiness when you accept your position in the world’, he remembers the older tell him. 

So it must be even more dificult for him now that he started questioning himself, or the world, or his purpose. 

“I don’t know where to start from.” He lets out, voice breaking like it wants to let everything out all at once but his mind holds it back, his eyes start to sting a little but still slowly directs them to Taehyun’s. And if his energy was overwhelming just moments ago, the younger felt his knees weak and heart shatter just now, the only current thought was to hold the other closer. 

Who you really trynna be   
when you see your face. 

“I think I like you.” He confesses in a small but strong voice, there’s also confidence in it, and Taehyun needs a moment, because he understands that this ‘I like you’ isn’t a friendly and naive one. Yeonjun doesn’t need to tell him that for him to know that it was something more. His voice resonated differently, he felt the waves go through his arms still resting on him. And the look he had on his face induces the whole situation even deeper on that meaning, the look of someone that is dying to let the other know that they are precious to them. Taehyun takes a big moment, he was taken off guard, absolutely and clearly not ready for such a confession, he never thought this was the conflit inside Yeonjun, that he, in fact, was the conflit. Taehyun was still thinking about it when his friend continued “I’m sorry I’m confessing to you this way, you deserve better... You always do.”

“But I can’t seem to do anything else. I can’t seem to accept it, I don’t know how to.” He kept on whispering to the younger, being gentle to both of them, because he didn’t want to scare Taehyun away, nor completely explode. 

“I like you, and that’s not what’s bothering me. I think I’m having a hard time liking myself. I’m feeling unconfortable now thinking that I am... gay.”

Taehyun finally begins to understand something, and he studies the other’s face again and the disconfort on him is so obvious, so tangible, he almost feels it himself. His eyes dart anxiously from Taehyun’s face. He probably feels like he wants to escape, disapear even, it must be difficult to talk about it, he probably doesn’t even know how to put in words, or barely know what he is feeling. 

“I have nothing against those people, you know that.” He does, he still remembers the day he came out to Yeonjun. “I’m okay with living with people like that, it doesn’t bother me a tiny bit, but... when it’s me, I feel so out of place, like...” Taehyun feels him shiver, feeling scared and lost, breathing unevenly and swallowing at random times. He stays listening respectfully. “Like that person can’t be me, a part of me can’t accept it. And it isn’t pressure from my parents, it’s my own, which only makes things more weird and awkward. No matter how much I try I can’t... live with this, I can’t live with who I am.” He watches as Yeonjun’s eyes become glassy and tries to rub his hands and put some warm pressure on him, telling him that he’s still there, listening, and that he’s not alone. 

He’s making stops every now and then, and the younger could have already responded to him, but he doesn’t exactly know how to do it, or what to do. He is, at the same time, confessing and telling him the inner struggle he’s been living with. He’s both feeling wanted and incompetent, loved and powerless. He feels like crying from all the emotional stimulation, but he wouldn’t give a weak facade to Yeonjun, not now at least, not when he needed him the most. 

“It’s too unconfortable, my skin doesn’t feel mine anymore.” His voice breaks as well as Taehyun’s heart, he wishes he was the one feeling that way and not him, he doesn’t deserve to. 

“I feel disgusting, this is so fucked up...” A stray tear escapes onto his cheek but he quickly brings his hands up and wipes it, rubbing his eyes so they don’t betray him anymore. 

They were like knives. Those words felt like knives, for both. Taehyun wonders why Yeonjun has to doubt himself like that. He mutters the other’s name in order to maybe get his attention and moves his hands to his cheeks, making them stare at each other for a while. No words exchanged, both just looking at the person they most wanted in the world, in this moment. 

Is it worth it trying to win in a losing game?

“I don’t know what is wrong with me...” 

And his eyes bretay him again and now Taehyun witnesses it clearly, the older doesn’t dare to break eye contact this time as well, it’s already too much for the both of them. 

“Please... There is nothing wrong with you, hyung.”

Pulling Yeonjun into his arms, he crushed every living bone and muscle he could, resting a warm hand on the other’s nape and caressing it, like those actions would squeeze every sadness and insecurity out of his body and mind, like he could be the saviour he needed. Taehyun believed he could be, even if just for some seconds, he had faith in them. He kept repeating ‘it’s going to be okay’ and ‘there’s nothing wrong with you’, only hoping his voice would be louder then the one he had on his mind pushing him down. Yeonjun couldn’t do much except to accept the other’s warm embrace and cry, just cry. 

Yeonjun still couldn’t quite pull his arms up and hug the other back, it was part of his insecurities, as if he hugged him back he would be accepting the reality he didn’t want to believe in, the one that repulsed him from himself, the one that was right in front of him but refused to take it. He also didn’t think he deserved the hug, the warm arms, the welcoming shoulder, the heat, the love, Taehyun. He wasn’t worth Taehyun’s time, the boy was perfect, and he was a mere hopeless someone, or no one at all. 

Both so different, yet together in this moment. 

“If you really like me, just hold me back.” Taehyun finally whispered what Yeonjun needed, being wanted back, and he pulled his arms around the other so desperately it made Taehyun melt into it, breaking down as well and hugging him impossibly tighter. 

So weird that Taehyun knew exactly what Yeonjun needed, in this moment, in every moment, he always had the right thing to say, to do, Taehyun was always right, Taehyun was always the answer, Yeonjun concluded. 

They really were in sync afterall, right?

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed !!
> 
> This was my first ao3 writing, inicially i posted it on twt and i have more writings and aus there if you want to check it out, my @ is yunhothepuppy !! And yeah this was totally inspired by troye sivan’s take yourself home, the song is wonderful *chefs kiss*
> 
> I would love to hear your feedback 😚💘


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